Beautiful Scars
by ashasmasher
Summary: A girl who doesnt know who to be anymore is starting to realize that one boy seems to know her better than herself
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

Desmond

I watched the sun falling out of the sky and I watched the cold blade slide across my arm. I bled, a smile etched on my face in a ghostly sort of way. The blood trickled down my arm, turning the blades of grass crimson. Red, that's how I saw the world. Pain, that's how I felt the world, the way it should be. I don't feel whole without a blade in my hand, the scars on my arm are apart of me – the stories they tell make up my past, present, and future. I slid my knife back into my pocket and watched blood trickle down my arm in grotesque patterns.

That's when I saw her. That's when I knew I needed her. That's when I decided she was just like me, she just didn't know it yet, or rather hadn't shown the world yet. I pulled out my knife once more, deliberatly looking at her walking along the horizon, the sun painting the sky red behind her.

THIS ONES FOR YOU.

**Chapter 1**

**Katie ~ **

**He looked at me again today. His eyes seemed to stare right through my very core. My boyfriend gave him "the look" and as if on cue, all my girlfriends started to chatter about the creep eyeing up the quarterbacks girlfriend. **

** He'd been staring at me ever since Monday September 19. At first I never thought much of it, after all I'd grown used to the jealous stares directed at me because of the popular clique I had dated into, I was constantly being reminded by my boyfriend and all the cheerleaders how lucky I was to be dating Jordan Kurtz, he rarely forgets to tell me how jealous people are of me, and how grateful I should be that he took m,e under his wing when he did. I nodded and kept him happy, this was what life was about right?**

** That Monday had been rainy and cold. While I was leaving school, getting the last few books out of my locker and grabbing my keys, that I noticed **_**him **_**staring from down the hall. I looked around me, certain that he couldn't be staring at me. Of course no one was around, so he had to be staring at me, I slowly turned back around to face him, studying his profile. He had neck length black hair, with side bangs covering the right side of his face. His clothing was all black, with a chain looped from his pocket to his belt loop. On his right wrist their was a neon green wristband; the only color that broke up the murky black that allowed him to blend in the shadows.**

** I couldn't help but stare back at him, he was so…scary and yet he seemed so flawless. A scary sort of perfect that sent shills down my spine. A pair of callused hands at my waist shook me out of my reverie. I turned to find Jordan looking at me,**

** "Ready to go?" I nodded, and made a point of not looking in the direction of my stalker less Jordan notice. I chanced a quick peak as we were walking away but he had vanished, had he really been there? **

** The next day everything was normal – I ate and talked with all the right people. I finished all my homework in study hall and the sun was peeping between hazy clouds. Life was good and the boy had completely slipped my mind. But of course, at the same time as yesterday there he was in all his black perfection staring at me from across the hall. I took a bold step towards him, trying not to show my fear. He didn't move a muscle. I took another step but Jordan's voice stopped me. He sent a hard look at the boy and pulled me to him. He said something nasty to the boy and the boy smirked, sending chills through my stomach. Jordan looked down at me, **

** "Did he do anything to you?" I shook my head,**

** "No, I'm fine, really. He didn't do or say anything. Calm down."**

**He didn't heed my words, instead he steered me away sending a cold stare back to the boy. I turned around but the boy had already gone.**

** It was Wednesday and the sun made an appearance, sending all the girls to skirts and the guys to polo shirts and khaki shorts. I went about my day as usual. Jordan had taken to walking me to all my classes, scaring away any lesser persons who dared make eye contact with me. I sighed. I made a show of laughing with the other girls about my "encounter with a stalker" but deep down I felt my stomach flutter when I thought of his perfect face. He scared me. But, I kinda liked it… I was loosing it. **

** "Katie , Kate!" Jessica snapped her fingers into my face. **

** "Way to zone honey, you get enough sleep last night?" she asked, hooking her arm around mine. In honesty I hadn't slept much, its kind of hard to sleep when you have a stalker…a perfect scary stalker…**

** "Yeah," I said with a smile, "I was just thinking about what to do this weekend." Jess ate up the lie with excitement,**

** "We could go see a movie! There's a new romance comedy out!" I nodded, trying to color my voice with excitement,**

** "Sounds good, want to make it a double?" Jess bobbed her head up and down, and startled rattling on about when the best time would be to go. I knew I could wander again. Why me? Why would some freak pick me? I sighed, the butterflies on overdrive. I whisper in my ear made me stop,**

** "Why not you?"**

**Thursday passed in a blur, Jordan had a game and the teams ego fed everyone's energy. The game was great, we won and Jordan had a really great game, but to be honest, that's not why I remember the night. **_**He **_**was there, in all his scary gothness. His smirk was gone, replaced by a look in his eyes that sent real butterflies to my throat. His eyes seemed to say,**

** "You know you want me, you know your curious…come on." Arrogance seeped out of his form, I shuddered and his smirk returned. He had me right where he wanted me.**

** Friday came with the promise of weekend. I finalized plans for a movie and made my way to my locker. As I was getting my books from my locker a voice, silky and smooth, with a hint of huskiness startled me, causing me to drop my books. I knelt to pick them up but a pair of hands were already there, a green wristband on the left arm. I closed my eyes and slowly stood up.**

** "Thanks, you kind of startled me." I timidly said, tucking a strand of loose hair behind my ear. He handed me my books without a word, smirking like before. As he pulled his hands away I noticed scars running up his arm. I looked up to him, questions forming in my eyes. He looked at me, and I oculd see his answer,**

** "what would you care?" I squinted my eyes up at him and asked,**

** "Am I aloud to know your name? And why you keep stalking me?**

**He looked at me, cocking his head.**

** "My names Desmond. You are?" I stared up at him,**

** "As if you don't know. Why **_**Desmond**_** have you been stalking me?" he shrugged and something flashed across his eyes. He put my lit book on top of the stack I held in my arms. He turned and walked away, leaving me more confused and a little scared; the butterflies wouldn't fly away. **

** Jordan knocked on my door at 6:30, prompt as usual. He helped me into the car and turned the radio to the station I like. He held my hand while driving and acted like the perfect gentlemen, I was reminded how lucky I was… We made it to the theatre and saw Jess and Zack in line already. We joined them and bought some popcorn. We shuffled into the theatre and settled in for the movie. **

** The movie was cheesy, but Jess seemed to really like it. She linked arms with me and said,**

** "Up for some ice-cream?" I nodded, why not? We made our way to Zacks car, all piling in. we drove down the street to Laura's and settled into a booth. A preppy little waitress came and took our orders, Jess was complaining about the calories and sugar when the little bell over the shop's door rang. I turned to see who walked in, it was **_**him**_**. I quickly turned around and made sure Jordan hadn't noticed. He hadn't, and he didn't seem to hear my heart fluttering inside my chest. He didn't notice, but of course Jess and Zack did,**

** "Isn't that your creeper?" flames shot up my face as Jordan whipped around. Zack nudged him,**

"**Got some competition from the emo freak." He laughed. Jordan turned back towards Zack **

** "Shut up Zack, there's no competition." His voice was violent so I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. In a flash Jordan went over to Desmond and said in a deadly voice,**

** "What do you want you freak?" Desmond just looked at him with his perfect smirk,**

"**Am I not aloud to get ice-cream from Laura's? It's a free country and last time I checked you don't own the place. Jordan was loosing it, I got up from my stool just as Jordan threw the first punch. I started yelling at him, trying to get him to stop. I clawed at him and tried to hold his fist back. He looked at me with coldness. I stared back at him, my hands in the air,**

"**Stop it Jordan, don't touch him." Desmond smirked at Jordan.**

"**Yeah, don't hurt him, don't hurt him Jordan." I spun around to face him,**

"**Shut up!" Jordan smirked and told me to step aside. **

"**No," I turned back to Desmond, "Leave." He looked at me,**

"**Without you? Yeah right." I sighed exasperatedly and grabbed my purse from a shocked Jessica. "Fine. Jordan, I'll call you." I grabbed Desmond's hand and marched out of there, the little bell tinkling over head. **

**I didn't have a car so I started walking down the street fuming, Desmond holding on to my hand. I had no desire to talk to him, so I kept walking not daring to look at him though I felt his gaze. We reached the park near my house and I stopped. He let go of my hand and walked away, expecting me to follow. I did no such thing. I sat down where I was and crossed my arms; the reality of what had happened sinking into me. I felt exhausted; Jordan and Desmond had fought, Desmond had an attitude, Jordan had an over protective ego, and the mindset that he was God's gift to me. I wanted out of the clique so badly. I had always hated my life, but at the moment it seemed I hated my life times 10. I was falling apart at the seems. **

** I sighed and turned over. Why had Desmond picked me? Why me? I wasn't like him, was I? I hated my life, but I pretended to have it all together. He hated his life, so he cut. The difference? He was open with it, I hid behind Jordan and the mask he offered me. My head hurt and I sat up, holding my head in my hands. Without ****warning tears fell violently down my cheeks. Everything was so wrong, I was breaking the mask I had so slowly built to perfection. Desmond saw through it and was destroying it simply by staring at me. Where was the strength I had built all my life? Where was the self preservation I had been taught to have? My shell was cracking under the depth of Desmond's perception. Everything I had held in me for so long came out in heart wrenching sobs that shook my whole body. I wanted to scream, to run far away, but I fought the urge, clawing into the dirt with my fingernails. I slowly began to calm, forcing down my hysterics. I curled up into a ball and closed out the world I had tried so hard to fit into.**

Desmond:

I watched her fight and claw. I saw her raw emotion, I could see the pain that breaking was causing her. Finally she showed some emotion other than complacency. I felt protection swell over me as I watched her curl into a ball, small and weak. Helpless at the mercy of her emotions. I had never felt protective of anyone, there was no one worth my time or attention. Yet she … she was like me. I needed her.

I walked to her as she lay still underneath the stars. She turned and lay watching the sky, arms crossed over her stomach, as if she was trying to hold her self together. I walked over and sat, pulling her close to me. Her eyes opened and she looked up into my face. She shoved away from me but I pulled her tighter. She struggled for a few moments but then grew tired and sat there limp in my arms; she was too tired to care about anything anymore. I tilted her head up to mine and she looked away. She looked down at my wrists, the scars were evident in the moons glow. I met her gaze with a cold smirk and she shuddered. She tried to shrug out of my embrace so I let her go. She stood and walked towards an old oak tree and sat, facing away from me looking up at the sky. I let her sit there for a long time, my patience leaving me. She never moved a muscle, simply sat there and stared at nothing. My patience gone I got up and walked to her, she made as if to get up and walk away but I pulled her back down.

"Katie quit running. I know what you're hiding, and I know your tired of it. So just freaking sit and face up to the fact that you need me as much as I need you." She rolled her eyes and looked away.

"Why me?"

"Why not you? You were never happy with who you are."

She laughed,

"And you are? You cut yourself and hate your life. Your emo and dark and have a sick little thing for popular chicks." I got mad, she was so hypocritical, how could she be so stupid?

"Popular chicks? Correct me if I'm wrong but you were never part of that group and if you think I hate _my_ life you should evaluate yours. I thought you were smarter than this Katie, wake up and get a reality call; your worse off than I am." For the life of me I couldn't understand why I htought I needed her. She was an idiot and was too blind to notice her life falling to pieces. She needed to face up the facts.

"_Its not like you face up to the facts either." _A voice inside me whispered,

" _Yeah, I got that, hence the scars…"_

**Katie ~**

**I left the park infuriated and hurt. What was with him and why did he act like he had my life figured out. He knew nothing of love and life, nothing. **

** "**_**Are you sure you know what they are yourself?"**_

**I shoved the thought down. When I got home I felt overwhelmingly tired. I plodded to my room and flopped down on the bd. I glanced over at the clock and groaned, it was 1:45. I didn't care. I grabbed my phone and deliberately punched in Jordan's number. It rang three times and then clicked,**

** "Katie? Its 1:45 what the heck? Did he hurt you did he… are you alright?" I sighed and took a deep breath,**

** "I'm fine, he didn't hurt me, and I'm not pregnant. I don't know why I left with him other than to get you two to stop fighting."**

** "Katie I'm sorry but he's a creep and I want him dealt with. He's a cutter and I want you to stay away. Infact I forbid you to stay away." I rolled my eyes,**

** "That's thick Jordan. Im not your property, you cant put a leash on me and tell me to sit, stay, what a good girl."**

** "Katie, whats gotten into you, I just want you to be safe. Why would you want to hang out with someone who doesn't even know you?"**

** "Do you know me?" emotions bubbled up inside me, I fought away tears and the urge to yell at him, "Jordan I've been living behind you ever since you took pity on me and deemed me pretty enough to be your girlfriend. I've put on your mask and made you look good, I've lived in your clique and acted to perfection, but im tired of it. I cant pretend anymore. It took me 2 years of highschool to finally get halfway accepted and people still give me looks. Jordan as hard as you tried, im just not like you. And you only know the side of me that pretends for you because you tell me I owe you that. Im done, I cant and wont do it anymore." A long pause met my confession. Finally he broke the silence,**

** "Your tired, its late, we can talk about it tomorrow."**

** "Jordan, no – "**

** "did he tell you to dump me? Did he? I swear if this is his plan I will hurt him."**

** "Jordan, its not him, im just tired of putting on a mask when all I wanted to impress was you. Im sorry. Im done, goodnight and goodbye."**

**I hung up and clutched the phone to my chest. No tears fell, only anger boiled. I chucked the phone onto the floor and flopped down on my bed. I looked around my room at all the sharp objects littering my floor. If I was breaking, why not break all the way?**

**1 slice for jordan.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Desmond

I knew she was P. at me. I could see it in the way that she left the park, hands balled into fists by her side. I couldn't help but be mad at her, although I guessed that's the reason she left, my sharp tongue got to the meat of the problem faster than she liked. She just didn't get it, she just didn't understand, or rather chose to not face up to the fact that she was just like me: needy angry at the world and fed up, not to mention messed up. But no, she needed to pretend that everything was okay, that nothing was slowly eating away her perfect little world. Why? Because little miss perfect had a security blanket called popularity, called Jordan, called a mask. I didn't understand why I thought I needed her, what I had been thinking I'll never know.

"_you do know,_ _just look at your wrist, she etched there for all the world to see… you know why you need, want her."_

Okay, so she was engraved on my wrist like a tattoo, a cry that couldn't and wouldn't be ignored, would not disappear. I pulled out my knife and slid it across my skin,

"All for you Katie, all for you."

**Katie ~ **

**The sun seeping through my blinds woke me. I sleepily turned over and glanced at the clock, 10:30. I yawned and got out of bed, the heat of the day already apparent through my open window. I stumbled to the bathroom and flicked on the light. I jumped, staring hard into the mirror. Dry blood covered my arms in a web patter, I slowly rinsed away the blood, revealing lines running across my wrist. I traced them with shaking fingers, closing my eyes as tears threatened. "Not so perfect now, huh Jordan." I smiled grimly at my reflection and began to undress, turning on the shower as cold as I could stand. The water pierced my flesh awakening me father. I scrubbed away all that had happened last night, letting the pain drip off me like the water I tried to cleanse myself with. But it still clung to me tightly. Giving up I shut off the water and wrapped my towel firmly around me. I padded to my room, wet hair dripping as I closed the door.**

**I walked over to my dresser, looking at my reflection in the floor length mirror mounted on the wall next to my dresser. I jumped, spinning around. **

"**What the heck are you doing here Desmond! GET OUT!" he smirked, looking me over. I clutched the towel tighter to me. "Get Out Now." I said, gritting my teeth. His smirk grew into an amused smile, as he plopped himself down on the bed without a word. He lifted up the scarlet tissues littered across my pillow and raised his eyebrows at me. I gave him a look and he laughed, an awful scary bewitching laugh that went right to my heart. **

"**I see you like my method of dealing with anger and sorrow." He mocked, throwing the tissues away. My face flushed and I shouted,**

"**GET OUT! I DON'T NEED YOU AND I DON'T WANT YOU IN MY LIFE. GET THE HECK OUT!" he looked amused which made me angrier,**

"**Of course you don't need me Katie, all you need is something sharp." I hated him. I hated him with all my heart. I angrily stomped over to him and told him in what I hoped was a deadly voice,**

"**All I need is you gone forever. I don't want to hear you, I don't want to see you and I certainly don't want you telling me how to run my life." I raised my hand to slap him but he caught it and turned it over revealing my scars. I started to pull away but he gripped my hand tighter. He started tracing the scars with his fingertips, sending goosebumps up my arms. I was suddenly aware of how close he was, my wet hair dripping on his arm. He leaned down and kissed my wrist, leaving me mad, confused, and bewildered. He got up and walked to the open window. **

"**Get dressed and meet me outside."**

"**What if I don't want to?"**

"**Fine, come in your towel I could care less." Color shot up my face,**

"**Not what I meant, " I muttered. He looked at me in a serious way that scared me,**

"**I know you want to come, get a move on."**

** A new security system. I must invest in a new security system…or not open up my window ever again. I was greatly disturbed at how easy it had been for him to get into my room, I was so disturbed I felt driven to paranoia. **

** I slipped on a pair of jean shorts and a green tank top, inspecting myself in the mirror. Scars were all I saw. I yanked off the tank top and pulled out a lightweight, white long sleeve shirt from American Eagle. I tousled my hair and grabbed my cell from the floor where I had chucked it last night. I went into the kitchen and noticed a piece of pink paper with my mom's handwriting on it. **

** 'At work, something came up with the printing order, won't be back till late, moneys in the drawer. Enjoy your Saturday!**

** Jean. **

**Well that takes care of the guardian figure. I grabbed a granola bar from the pantry and gobbled it down on my way to the door. He was sitting on my mom's porch swing, not looking at anything in particular. He eyed my long sleeves and smirked again. I crossed my arms self-consciously. He got up off the swing and strode off, I assumed I was supposed to follow and felt the sudden urge to go straight back into the house. But then again, he'd probably climb in through the window and drag me out my force. I sighed and followed a safe distance behind him. He walked for what felt like forever, till my little development gave way to the woods surrounding it. I stopped when he disappeared into the woods, not sure if I should follow … did I really want to go into the woods alone with him? Well…I went. He walked in between trees, going deeper and deeper. After a while I heard running water, and searched for the source of the sound. I couldn't find it.**

**Finally he stopped at a peculiar circle of trees, each connected by planks of wood, and each tree holding a tree house of sorts. I'll admit it looked really cool but I wasn't to keen on climbing up after him into a tree house… alone. But of course he had other ideas. He looked down at me with a look that said to hurry up. I sighed and started to climb up to meet fate…I prayed it wouldn't be awful.**

**Desmond**

**I watched her climbing she seemed rather athletic and didn't seem to be struggling. I had to laugh at her long sleeves; she still was hiding. Her scars were beautiful to me, yet another thing that held us together, though she couldn't see that yet. She climbed up into the tree house with me and looked around. The only things that covered my walls were sketches. She seemed fascinated by them. And I let her wander, reaching out to touch the ones that held her interest the most. she was beautiful, and soon she would be mine. She soon noticed the bits of metal scattered around the room, I knew she knew what they were for by the way she tucked her arms around her. Beautiful…**

**Katie ~**

**I scanned the room with cautious eyes. What little I knew about him was reflected so well in this tree house. I turned to look at the wall behing me, covered with inky drawings of people, places, objects. I walked to the wall touching the rough paper. I arrived at a picture of a girl in the bottom right corner. I could feel his gaze on my neck, wacthing for my reaction. The picture was shaded to perfection, the inky blackness of the pen still wet from use. I didn't dare touch it but I wanted to. In the corner the word beautiful was written in a scrawling script. I looked into her face and stepped back, looking at him with my question,**

"**Why me? Desmond why me?"**

**He shrugged moodily and turned climbing out the window and walking along the wood connecting the tree house with another. I turned back to the wall of art, looking at the faces he saw fit to draw. Most of the pictures were of emo looking people with tears streaming down their faces, or blood running down their wrists. However some of them were of places I had never been, but by the way they were drawn I longed to go to. One was a lagoon surrounded by weeping willows with faces mourning with grief. Another was of a beach surrounded by a star strewn sky, the moon reflected in the water crying. The landscape pictures unnerved me, the were so unlike his proven character. I reached out my hand to touch the pictures when a loud ringing startled me. I drew my cell phone out of my back pocket and flung it open.**

"**Hello?"**

"**Babe! Where are you? I've been ringing your doorbell for half the morning!" I rolled my eyes at the ceiling,**

"**Was there something you needed? I thought I was pretty clear last night. Oh and if its about your sweatshirts, I'll have them washed and leave them on your porch before Monday." I tried not to sound upset but I knew it colored my words.**

"**That's why I needed to talk to you –"**

"**About the sweatshirts? Glad to know your over it." I'll admit I was annoyed, I dint want his sympathy but calling about his sweatshirts…that was petty.**

"**No! No! Katie I'm sorry for whatever I did to upset you. Please lets just get together and talk about it."**

"**Jordan I cant, I'm sorry. But I don't want to talk about it and frankly don't really want to see you right now. Okay? Please just leave me alone."**

"**Katie I love you, please don't just walk away, I don't know whats gotten into you but I want to be there for you. Katie whats going on?"**

"**I don't want you to be there for me, and nothings going on. I'm finally showing the real me, who do I have to impress? I know you'll be mad at me and I know you want to know why I am like I am but Jordan, I'm not going to tell you why. I don't want to be apart of your clique and I'm tired of trying to impress you. I cant, you either love me for me, or you don't love me at all. And I believe strongly that you don't love me at all. I'm sorry but I'm done."**

**A long pause followed my confession then,**

"**Its him isn't it."**

**I kept silent, he cursed and I pulled the phone away from my ear. He started shouting loudly,**

"**I knew it, Katie he's sick! You are making a big mistake! Ha! Him over me? I don't know what's going through your head but you are nothing to me. Nothing! I didn't have to date you, but I did, I deemed you worthy and saved your scrawny little but from public criticism. As soon as your dad left as a drunk the whole school started to talk. But who saved you from that? Huh? Me! You're an idiotic girl and a nobody. I turned you into a somebody. You should be thanking me, not throwing it away for some looser cutter. I wont miss you at all, there are girls LINED UP to take your spot, girls I don't have to explain to my parents why she isn't rich why she isn't well known. Girls that will make your limp hair curl when you see what they want with me. You're an idiot and I hope you rot in a cell, you ungrateful looser." **

**It shouldn't have hurt, but it did. I shouldn't be crying, but I was. I hadn't ended it, no he had to have the last word. It hurt, though I told myself it shouldn't. but it did, it was all too true. I should have known he didn't really love me, or want me in the first place. I should have seen that I was an easy way to get attention, a charity case that made him look good. I pulled the phone back to my ear and said quietly,**

"**Thank you for letting me be your charity case." And hung up.**

Desmond

I had heard the whole conversation; they were both shouting. I watched her hang up and chuck the phone out the window, falling to her knees, she sat there staring at the wall covered in art. After a while she go tup took the picture of her off the wall and started to tear the edges. I ran over and grabbed her hands, halting their motion. She looked at me with hatred, something I didn't think little miss all together was capable of. Her mask was coming off and I loved it. I raised my eyebrows at her and she said,

"Beautiful? I hate this" motioning to her body, " I hate it! if your goal was to make mea cutter and a self hating emo chick: mission accomplished. You can go tell your friends your succeeded- miss popularity cracked." She turned away from me and climbed out the window opposite the one I had left from. I watched her walk across the trees. She stopped mid way and just stood;

Beautiful.

**Katie ~**

**Looser, Charity case, crazy stupid exscuse for a girl. Ugly, imperfect dumped. The world spun around me and I felt sick. I looked down at the world beneath my feet and stopped, I stood staring at the trees surrounding me. I watched as the breeze played with the green leaves, I kept walking, entereing a second tree hosue by window. I looked around me and soaw only drawings; every inch of the wall was covered in paper. They were identical to the ones in the other tree house except for the fact that these pictures were drawn in red ink and they all shared a common subject: ME. I spun around looking at my face displayed in every emotion. I saw every emotion I had shown and had yet to show displayed in red ink, ink like blood. The last picture halted me. It was a full body picture of me in a strapless dress holding a rose, what made my heart stop was my arms; they were covered with scars, each scar bleeding, the blood encasing my hand to form a glove. I stepped back and noticed words in the bottome corner: **

**Beautiful Scars.**

**I turned around to find him watching me through the window. I didn't know what to do, I just stared open mouthed closing my arms aroudn me. He just watched, silent and dark. **

**At last I broke the overwhelming silence of my confusion.**

"**How… are…Which…" I took a breath and started again, "How many are for me?" I knew he knew what I meant when he stepped into the room. He lost his smirk and flexed, stretching his arms out in front of him. The scars were clearly visible scarily so when he flexed. He watched me as I reached out, tracing each one with my fingertip. I looked up feeling small, my insides jumping, my heart thundering. **

"**How many?" I repeated. With his right hand he grabbed mine and moved my fingertips across 3 scars closest to the green wristband on his left arm. I closed my eyes as he released my hand. He slowly pushed my sleeves up my arm. I went completely still, not breathing as I felt his fingers once again tracing my scars. I opened my eyes to find his head cocked, staring at me with a look of strong amusment. I looked away but he titled my chin back to face him. I couldn't hold his gaze as he roved my face. He leaned in and breathed deeply, dropping his hand from my face and holding both of my wrists in his right hand. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a palm sized piece of metal. I shuddered slightly. He backed me into a wall and held out the metal over my imprisoned arms. He let it lgihtly touch my skin raising goosebumps and sending chills through my spine. He drew no blood, simply traced patterns on my arm. I closed my eyes as he rested his forhead on mine. He muttered beautiful and a tear slid down my cheek. He brushed it away and leaned in, his dark eyelashes framing his dangerous eyes. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. He had me sandwitched between him and the wall. I looked at him and he kissed me.**

Desmond

I could feel her relax as I kissed her. Her scars were beautiful to me, she was beautiful and she was mine. She started to tense as she relized she was kissing me back. I felt her push away a little, she started to sob and I pulled away, searching her face. I saw tears streaming down her face. I released her wrists and cupped her face, forcing her to look in my eyes. She averted her gaze so I kissed her again. I felt her hands at my chest, shoving me. I stopped but didn't let her move. Her breath was heavy, I could tell she was confused. She tried to shove past me but I pinned her tighter, I couldn't let her go. When would she understand she was like me, we were messed up, but we could be messed up together, we were meant to be together through the blood and tears and hate. We could learn to hate togther…I would not let her go.

**Katie ~**

**I looked up at him through my tears, **

"**You kissed me." He shrugged and took a step back, grabbing my hand. I was too confused. He acted like he loved me, but I knew he didn't. he just liked the idea of his influence over me… which I wanst willing to admit he had. He coudlnt, no he couldn't love me. And yet, this room was full of me…**

"**Desmond,…you…what…why?" and he did it again. I didn't fight, I let go. I coudlnt explain it, but I didn't mind him kissing me. Infact I liked his strong arms around me, his dangerous eyes searching me. I started to kiss back, not thinking… what in the world was I doing? I stopped and turned away.**

"**I need to go." He shrugged again, indifferent, hiding what he must be feeling…unless I was just his amusement. Had he not felt the want I had? I shook my head and repeated myself.**

"**I need to go now." He led me to the way out, walking me home in silence. My head was spinning. I had just dumped (been dumped, trashed, walked on, torn open…) by Jordan and was now kissing Desmond who happened to be a cutter and emo and what would school be like and oh yeah major detail: I was now a cutter? He walked me to the porch and leaned down for a kiss. I turned away and he settled for a kiss on the cheek. He walked away, hands in pockets, scary and unnerving. **

**Dazedly I walked up to my room and shut the door. I cleaned up the mess from last night and sat in front of my white apple laptop. I stared at the screen for an hour seeing nothing. I decided I was hungry and made my way down to the kitchen and fixed myself a tomato sandwitch. I ate methodicly, I needed a game plan. What would school be like? No doubt Jordan already had hitched up with Taylor from Chemistry, and was declaring that I had simply been a mental case that his parents had force him to take one to improve his public appearance. He probably mentioned Desmond too. So where did that put me? I rinsed off my plate and put it away. I went to the TV and flicked it on, surfing the channels. **

**Was I brave enough to hang out with Desmond all day? Well he will probably be the only one who wants to hang out with the likes of me. but were we together? Well he had kissed me, and he'd seen me in my towel, and hed gotten my to cut… which brought another problem….long sleeves in the spring? I shut the TV off and curled up on the couch. I had not clue what to do about school or about cutting or about kissing Desmond, so I slept. **

**I must have slept for hours because when I woke the sun was gone and the streetlights had flicked on. I padded up to my room and slipped on sophies and another long sleeve shirt. I went down to the kitchen and looked through the fridge. There wasn't anything good. I grabbed the telephone and dialed the Chinese place by memory. I ordered my favorites and asked for a delivery. I hung up the phone and grabbed Pride and Predjudice off the TV table and started at the ballroom scene. 20 minutes later I was no father in the book for my mind couldn't concentrate when the doorbell rang. I jumped off the couch and grabbed the wad of cash from the drawer. I thanked the delivery guy and inhaled the smell of Chinese noodles and garlic. I grabbed some chopsticks and started to eat hungrily. It was going to be a long lonely night. **

**I read my self to sleep, exhausted and aching, I turned off the light and rolled onto my side, tucking the covers around me like a cacoon. I tried to calm the racing images in my mind, but it was a fruitless attempt. I closed my eyes and counted ever so slowly up to 100 and sleep finally came.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Katie ~**

** "Katie, honey you need to get up." My mom was leaning over me, gently shaking me out of the sleep that had taken so long to fall into. She was wearing a dress and heals and I groaned; church had been a tradition of sorts. Ever since I was 3 we hadn't missed a Sunday. To be honest I only went for my mom; the youth was so hypocritical and judgemental - I just couldn't come to terms with what they taught: a God full of mercy and forgiveness who loved me no matter how awful I was. Unconditional love and forgiveness, its kind of hard to believe that when the church wont take me as a I am… kinda a twisted. **

** "Katie," mom said, stroking my hair, "You need to shower." She suddenly stopped shaking me awake and lay her palm across my forehead. **

** "Katie hon, your burning up. You feel okay?" I told her I was fine. I started to sit up, yawning. The room spun around me and I leaned over my bed to vomit all over my moms heals… just great. She grabbed my trash can as I began to heave again. She pulled my hair back and sat there, trash can in one hand, hair in the other. After I had calmed down enough to stop heaving, she suggested we move into the bathroom. I tried to apologize for getting sick all over shoes. She smiled and said it wasn't my fault and she hated these shoes anyway. She grabbed the thermometer as I sat down by the toilet, leaning my head against the wall. She ran the thermometer across my forehead and stared at the reading with a frown. She reached around me to get a washclothe and dampened it with cold water, running it across my head. She offered to grab me a tank top to try and help cool me down. I told her sure but then stopped in the middle of my sentence. Suddenly adamant I told her no, I was cold…the fever was giving me chills. She nodded slowly,**

** "Okay honey. Are you well enough for me to run downstairs and get u some medicine?" I nodded slightly, not daring to upset my stomach with any motion. I closed my eyes and heard her footsteps padding along the stairs. I tried to think back to what oculd have caused my upset stomach. I hadnt seen this bug coming, and the only thing I could think of was the chinese was bad. After all, you cant get the stomach bug from emotional malfunction right? Or could you? I didn't think that my emtional breakdown was reason enough to get the stomach bug, but what did I know? I sighed as mom came back into the bathroom and handed me two tablespoons of thick liquid. I swallowed and clutched my stomach, praying the medicine would stay down. After another twenty minutes I decided I was well enough to go back to my room. I curled up onto my bed and stared at my wall for an hour or so, drifting in and out of sleep. My mom came and asked me if I was up to being alone for a little bit – she had to run some quick errands. I nodded numbly, returning my gaze to the teal wall that I had memorized in the last hour of being sick. I was half awake when I heard the sound of my window opening. I squinted my eyes and turned, acting as if I was still asleep. The form of a strongly built guy was outlined in the light streaming in my window. He was slowly closing my window, his hands above his head – a green wristband gave him away. **

** "Get out Desmond." I sighed turning back to face the wall. I couldn't see his reaction but I heard the window open and shut again, and all was still. I listend for another minute and decided he had left. I closed my eyes fully and tried to sleep, curling up under my afghan. The bed sagged at my feet, waking me. I mumbled a hello to my mother and asked her if she had gotten everything. I didn't get any reply. I looked at the foot of my bed and low and behold there he was. I tried to get up but he pushed me back down. I was furious with him.**

** "I told you to get out. Im sick in case you didn't know" after I said it I realized how would he know that I had gotten the stomach bug conviently after breaking down yesterday. I tried to sit up again but he pushed me back down. **

** "What do you want? I'm sick and I don't feel like talking to you right now."**

** "I didn't come to talk, so if you'd just shut up I'll let you sleep." I looked at him skeptically. **

** "You came to watch me sleep? That's really creepy Desmond." He just smirked and shrugged. I rolled my eyes and I turned back to the wall, attempting to ignore the prescense that was filling up my mind. Without warning I felt sick again. I rushed to the bathroom and leaned over the sink, heaving. No chinese this time, just acidic water stuff came up, burning my throat. I felt him at my side, holding my hairback and trying to calm me. I felt his palm at the small of my back rubbing circles between my shoulders. It struck me as funny, the very darkness that showed no other emotions than indifference, anger, and hate was at my side trying to calm me. I laughed weakly, shaking my head slightly causing me to lean over the sink and retch again. I met his eyes in the mirror and told him to go, I didn't want an audience while I puked, and I figured he had better things to do – . his smirk returned, daring me to make him leave. I tired to elbow him away, shoving him weakly, but it made me dizzy. I leaned over the sink again and closed my eyes. Maybe he made me sick. Maybe the stress he brought to me wasn't only pushing my mind over the edge, but sending my body into a nervous sickness. Or maybe it was just the stomach flu. I decided I didn't care as long I could stop vomiting. I closed my eyes again and breathed deeply, calming my stomach, concentrating. I opened my eyes and said,**

** "I'm okay now." I stepped away from the sink and he grabbed my elbow, helping me back to my room. I sat down on my bed and he grabbed my desk chair, pulling it to my bedside. **

** "I think you should leave," I warned, "you could get my bug." He smirked,**

** "I'll take my chances." I rolled my eyes and pulled the afghan over my shoulders, tucking my feet up on the bed. I had to figure htings out; assuming I could go to school tomorrow I needed a plan. I tried to think of what I could do, where I could blend in but I realized that all my efforts would be futile. There was no chance I could go unnoticed; Jordan would have made sure of that. I sighed aloud and looked at Desmond,**

** "What's your plan?" he cocked his head and raised his eyebrows.**

** "Plan?" I nodded at him and proceeded to explain all the problems the break-up and fight with Jordan caused and how my connection to Desmond made school a very large obstacle in my already difficult life. And that wasn't including the scars…. By the end of my explanation he was laughing a dark mocking laugh and looking at me like I was from mars. He sat there for five minutes simply laughing at me. I hoped that my irritation showed thorugh my exhausted face. He finally calmed down enough to say mockingly,**

** "Who you trying to impress now princess? Geez Katie, your such a worrier, and here I was thinking you learned your lesson; whose left to impress anyway?" I shook my head, annoyed. I didn't want to _impress_ anyone, it was more what Jordan would do, what lengths he would go to, to ensure that I was seen as the bad guy and I was scared at what his cronies would do to me. infact, who cares about what they did to me physically, I feared what Jordan could say, had said… he had my stomach in knots.**

** "What's going to happen?" I asked not really understanding the question myself. **

** "I don't know," he shrugged off handedly, "but who cares? You hated that clique anyway – consider me your golden ticket out of your previous life of misery and facades." He smirked then, cockiness radiating off his 'who cares' attitude. He had been my way out; I knew if he hadnt gotten my attention when he did I would probably would have met my wits end, maybe more then just my wits end, I had been slowly sinking into depression…it wouldn't have ended pretty. But he had gotten my attention, he had saved me from drowning in a sea of the feeling of debt – the feeling that I owed Jordan more than I could give. Desmond had saved me, though why I had paid attention I didn't know. But he had saved me from disaster…only to lead me to another. I suddenly felt very tired. I looked at Desmond and told him I was going to bed. He shrugged and settled in to the desk chair. I pulled the afghan tighter around me and closed my eyes. Jordan was all I could see. **

Desmond

Her breathing finally slowed, her chest rising and falling in a rhythm all its own. I could imagine her heart beating a slow pulsing beat, matching her breathing. I watched her sleep, at first peacefully but it seemed that her dreams grew more vivid as if the black and white of the known gave way to the bright colors of the feared and unexpected. She tossed and turned, whimpering slightly. She stilled for a moment and began to talk, muttering _his_ name over and over, first a plea then a cry of anguish. She began to mumble incoherently, getting louder and faster. Tears were streaming down her face as she gushed out apologies, exscuses, bribes. I let the dream run its course, knowing if she didn't get it out of her system now it would be much worse later. After what felt like hours she calmed and her pulse returned to normal, placating my indescision of wether or not to wake her up after she'd struggled so long in her sleep. I unconsciously relaxed into the desk chair, watching her sleep once more.

**Katie ~**

**I woke as the sun was setting, expecting to see him watching me. I searched the room with my eyes, looking for him, or any sign of his presence. There was none – he had left. I sighed and lay back on my pillow staring at the ceiling. I felt better, at least my stomach wasn't ready to revolt. I slowly sat up and put my feet on the carpet. I stood and walked to the hallway, staring off the landing into the kitchen. I saw my mother watching a cooking show on her little flat screen while she was making something that smelled like fish. I breathed through my mouth afraid the smell would send my stomach into heaves. I went to the bathroom and rinsed out my mouth with water, wiping off the sweat and grime with a washcloth. I gave up and undressed compeltely, hopping into the shower. It felt good to have cold water running down my back, rinsing off the bug. I wrapped a towel around myself and headed back to my room, peeking my head around the door to ensure I didn't have any unwanted visitors. The cost was clear. I dressed into a long sleeve gray sports shirt and slid on some shorts. I padded down stairs and asked mom if she had gotten all her errands done. She said she had, and asked how I was feeling. 'fine' I told her. **

** "Do you think I'll be able to go to school tomorrow?" I asked, not really wanting to hear a yes, but knowing finals were around the bend and dreading a no. She thought a moment and nodded, **

** "I think you can, you've been taking the medicine and I think it was just a 24 hour bug. But the moment you feel sick I want you to text me and I'll stop by to get you." I promised her I would let her know if I felt sick, placating her 'mothers nerves.' She offered to make me something light but I declined,**

** "I'm not really that hungry, I think I'm just going to go to bed. See you in the morning." She hugged me and said goodnight, watching my progress up the stairs. **

** My alarm went off at 7:00, waking me from a dreamless sleep. I couldn't remember falling asleep, and evidently my body didn't either – I was ridiculously tired. I sauntered over to my closet picking up my dirty clothes and throwing them down the laundry chute. I turned to look out the window – no sun, and it was raining. 'Perfect' I muttered under my breath. No one would think much of me wearing long sleeves. I grabbed an olive green v-neck and a pair of tan shorts and a belt. I grabbed my cosmetics bag and headed toward the bathroom. I locked the door and changed, brushed my hair and decided to not bother with make up. I pulled my hair into a loose messy bun and brushed my teeth. I made sure the sleeves of my shirt fit snugle around my hand and unlocked the bathroom door. I grabbed my messenger bag and purse and headed down stiars. My mom had left a note and a lunch bag filled with her latest creation. I grabbed it off the counter and headed to the front door, pulling my keys out from the basked on the table by the door. I headed out the door and stood, watching the light rain cover the earth, painting the colors a more vivid green, a darker black, and a smoky sky. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply: no matter what happened today the rain would cleanse me – I was going to be okay. I don't know how long I stood there, simply listening to the wet earth around me. The sound of an engine shook me out of the reverie I was in. I opened my eyes to see Desmond looking at me from his car. I could tell he was waiting for me to join him in the car. I shrugged to myself, 'why not?' if I was going to die at school mine as well do it fully. I entered his car to the sounds of some srcreamo band playing with all their pain on the radio – how cliché , the emo kid listens to screamo. I sighed and he turned down the radio, watching me buckle up, setting my bag at my feet.**

** "Morning." **

** "Morning." I mumbled back. I didn't feel like talking as he drove along; each mile putting me farther away from home and closer to my fate. I had butterflies in my stomach, nerves in my throat making me wish I could throw up again. I hadn't noticed I was clutching the my purse so tightly till he quietly chuckled,**

** "Katie relax, its gonna be fine." I released my hold on the bag, looking out the window… sure everything would be just fine… just peachy. The looming form of public highschool appeared on the horizon all to quickly. I sighed loudly as he parked away from all the other cars,**

** "Let's get this over with. " I muttered. He smirked, wich I found particularly annoying today, and rolled his eyes. He grabbed his black bag and shut the door with a little to much… force. I climbed out of the car and looked around, no one seemed to have noticed I was here…good. One plus for coming with the emo kid no one really knows or cares about. We walked to the main building, his arm tightly wrapped over my shoulders. No one paid much attention. At least that's what I thought. But of course, I was wrong. As we stepped into the main building I cringed ; colorful posters were tacked on every wall, peoples lockers, some people held them in their hands, laughing cruely. Desmond coolly grabbed a neon green sign, and scanned it with is gray eyes. He crumpled the paper up as I tried to get a look. I grabbed a hot pink one, keeping it out of his reach. He looked at me annoyed,**

** "Katie, you really don't want to know." I shook my head,**

** "Yes, yes I do. Im gonna find out sooner or later..so I want to find out for myself, not through the vicious grape vine of junior highers." He rolled his eyes and watched my face while I looked at the poster. It was covered in graffiti type lettering, names that burned through me surrounded a picture of me, someone had drawn blood around the picture, dripping from a rose that was held in the hand of Jordan. It was great artwork… it definitley conveyed an emotion. I shuddered as I read the words Jordan had chosen to describe me with. The politest of which I dare not repeat. Of course I should have seen this coming: I was painted as the bad guy, I had seduced and guilt tripped poor Jordan who had the soft heart and took pity and made me perfect, but alas I had taken advantage of him. I was really no better than the words he had chosen to paint the picture of my awful doings. I crumpled it up slowly, then thought better of it. I smoothed the rinkles with deliberate perefection.**

** "I think I'll keep this." I told Desmond, tucking it into my bag. He pulled me closer and kissed the top og my head. I looked up at him a little shocked. He led me to my locker and stood there, staring down anyone who so much as looked my way. I grabbed my books, a little embarrassed, but then grateful; he was like a protector… and it was a plus that he happened to look very scary. We walked the halls to my first class, Honors English. He stopped at the door and looked in. I was scared, I could feel the butterflies back to their dance. I was scared because Desmond didn't have first period with me… I was left alone. And of course, Jordan did have first period with me. oh the joys of High School. I gave Desmond a weak smile and headed into the first hour of torture. **

** I kept my head down and made my way to the back seat, farthest away from _him._ I heard all the whispers, and I could feel his heated gaze on my face. I kept my head down, trying to block it all out. I checked the clock, still five minutes away from class starting. I cringed as I heard _his_ voice, mocking me. daring me to make a stand against him. I shied away from the laughs my peers directed towards me. suddenly his voice was at my side, purring, no hissing out his hate. All the lies he had fed to the class fired them up, turned him on. He was out for the kill. I shoved away, grabbing the bathroom pass. I was stupid enough to leave my bag, I didn't care. By the time the last bell rang I was sprinting towards the girls bathroom farthest from the english room. I shoved open the door and leaned against it, sliding down to the floor. I put my head in my hands and grimaced. The painted words eating me , swirling around in my head to serve as a constant reminder that I wasn't good enough. I took my phone out of my pocket and pulled up Desmonds number. I sent him a text telling him I wanted to ditch and that I'd see him after school. I got up slowly and peeked out of the bathroom, looking for any signs of teachers or students. The cost was clear and I made my escape. As I neared where I had entered the school I looked behind me, making sure I wasn't being followed. I wouldn't have noticed him watching me if I hadnt bumped into him. He caught me as I fell and stood me up right,**

** "Ready to leave?" I looked at him a litte wary,**

** "Who said your coming?" he shrugged,**

** "Why would I let you have all the fun? Besides would a gentlemen like _me_ let a lady like _you_ walk home? Im shocked you would think so little of me." I jabbed him in the ribs, **

** "Alright lets go." He nodded his head once the stopped,**

** "Wait, I want to do something first." I nodded slowly following him a safe distance behind. He started to tare down the posters in large handfulls, throwing them to the ground. I watched him cautiously.**

** "If your plan is to tear all the signs down, you can stop wasting your time: I'm fine." He ignored me, finally stopping infront of my english teachers classroom. The room was conviently teacherless, for reason unbeknownst to me. he opened the door and stood in the frame, filling up the frame with a terrible darkeness. He stared for the longest time at Jordan, a look of pure hatred in his eyes. His stance was casual, but I knew better than to assume all was well. Jordan got up off the desk he was sitting on, making his way towards us. I shrank behind Desmond, pulling his shirt.**

** "Let's just leave, come on. I don't want to do this. Someone's gonna find out and then we cant leave." He ignored me again, eyes only for Jordan. Jordan had an egotistical smirk on his face, his head larger than a globe. He eyed Desmond casusally, sizing him up. He noticed me behind him and raised his eyebrows,**

** "So it was him. I thought as much you little b – " Desmond grabbed Jordans arm,**

** "Watch it. If I ever catch you mocking, taunting, hating or speaking to Katie ever again, I will rip your arms from your socket and knock you into the darkness I call my friend." Jordan shook off Desmonds grip,**

** "Real scary kid. Im shaking from head to toe." I peeked around Desmond into Jordans face. I thought it a dumb move to call Desmond a kid when he stood a good head taller than Jordan. I watched as they continued to stare eachother down; good plan Desmond, really intimidating. **

** "You don't deserve her. You and your freaking 'clique' can jump off a cliff, or better yet, let me shove you off a cliff –the day she walked away from you and the messed up game you played with her she didn't loose a thing. You lost buddy," he spat at Jordan, "and if you continue to make her life miserable your game will officially be _over._" I shuddered as he said the last word, his voice getting lower, deadlier. The meaning was clear to me, and I knew he meant it. He had plenty of objects to kill with…. I shrank into his back, not daring to look at Jordan. Desmond took my hand and started to walk away. Jordan grabbed my shoulder and spun me around,**

** "You are DEAD to me Kaite. You are going to regret the day you left me." Desmond punched him, knocking him to the ground, nose gushing. He tugged my hand and we ran. **

Desmond

I watched her lying on the grass, hands on her stomach, watching the clouds pass over us. I knew she was thinking over the fliers of her that had been posted over the school. She had one lying besides her on the grass, the wind toying with the idea of blowing it away. She was so beautiful, and yet I could clearly see the pain etched on her face, over her body language, simply in the way she sighed. I noticed that she was starting to be more comfortable with me. the way she had shrunk behind me back at school, blending into the shadow I casted. The way she seemed to orientate herself around what I did. I leaned over her and she looked up at me, hair blowing across her face. A small sad smile played with her mouth as she studied my eyes. She sat up and looked straight ahead, watching the landscape with her green eyes. I laced my hands through hers, entertwining our fingers. She turned our entwined hands over, tracing the scars lightly.

"When did you start?" she whispered, looking at my face again. I sighed and lay down patting the ground next to me indicating for her to do the same. She did so, propping herself up on her elbow, looking at me expectantly.

"When I was 13. Its not the cliche story: my parents arent divorced, I wasn't adopted, all the normal things that bring this on. No I was too perfect and I hated that . I hated being the pride of my parents eyes and trying to make everything perfect because it was expected of me. I wanted to live wild, I wanted to be free of the bonds forced on me at way to young an age. I was bitter, I am bitter. I hated what I'd let their ideals turn me into. I hated me. I hated the course my life was taking. So I rebelled… I see the world through degrees of pain, the black and white gave way to red, the bold print began to fade…." She looked at me a moment longer, than her eyes darted away. She looked up at the sky and groaned, closing her eyes tightly. I let her wander in her thoughts, simply watching her. For a moment I saw the world as she must have, colorful, hopeful…and Jordan had taken the one thing that allowed her to see things the way humans should see – self confidence. She was destroyed. I kissed her on the forehead and her eyes opened, looking up at me, a smile gracing her lips.

"I love you," I told her. She closed her eyes again and squeezed the hand she was holding,

"I'm starting to realize I love you too…"


	4. Chapter 4

Katie

' I lay watching the stars, surrounded by the fragrance of blossoms slowly closing for the night. I lay in a vast field surrounded by open space that made me want to fly. I squeezed his hand tightly, closing my eyes and breathing contentedly. He absentmindedly traced patterns on my arm. He stopped and pulled me to my feet roughly. I opened my eyes and looked at him, worry lining my face. He froze a finger on my lips warning me not to make a sound. I stared opened eyed as he pointed towards a dark figure slinking towards us, eyes shining like a cat's. I shuddered as a dark smile graced this hunter's feature. Desmond pulled me closer, angling me away from the stalker. Foul words purred from the hunter's mouth, as if he were caressing each word as one would a human being. I shuddered again. The hunters smile grew into a smirk as he watched me, waiting.

In a flash he was gone, I whipped my head around, searching for a face. I found none. Desmond let go of my hand and took a step forward, looking with careful eyes. Suddenly I was caught from behind, a knife at my throat, a purr in my ear. I struggled against the strong grip, but the knife pricked my skin. I gasped and Desmond turned around, his eyes deadly, darker than the night surrounding us.

"Let her go."

"I don't think so…" I felt his breath on my neck, the soft deadliness of his voice.

"I told you you would pay Katie, remember, your dead to me…" he purred into my ear, I shuddered out of habit. Desmond took a step towards us and the knife pricked my skin harder, streams of blood flowing down in soft trickles.

" That's what you wanted isn't it Desmond? To see her bleed… you got your wish." He returned his attention to me, whispering low so Desmond could not hear,

"Beg." He demanded. I shook my head slightly, he turned me to face him, catching my jaw in one hand, tilting it up almost as if he were going to kiss me,

"Beg, and I might spare you…" I shuddered again, where was Desmond why couldn't he save me…. As if in answer to my question Desmond leaped at Jordan, knocking him to the ground. But Jordan had a knife. With one cruel smile Desmond lay on the ground, clutching him stomach slowly bleeding. Jordan went in again, this time aiming for the heart. I jumped in front of him and screamed,

"I beg you don't kill him, please! I'll do anything…" I screamed louder as Jordan shoved me aside,

"ANYTHING!" he killed Desmond anyway. I fell to my knees, tears streaming down my face. Jordan grabbed me and spoke softly in my ear…

"Dead to me Katie…you are dead." He kissed me lightly on the lips, his bitter taste the last I would know...'

I woke up with a scream, sweat covering my body. Tears mixing in with the sweat covering my face sobs racking my body. And suddenly there he was, wrapping me into his arms, holding me to his chest, letting me cling to him. He didn't ask me what I had dreamed, he just sat on my bed, holding me. After I had calmed down enough to think clearer, I looked at him.

"Why are you here so late? Shouldn't you be sleeping?" he shrugged and lightly brushed a piece of hair out of my face.

"I couldn't sleep." He answered simply. I searched his face,

"You're tired. I can tell… why are you really here?" I asked again, not believing his previous statement. He ignored my question and reached around me to turn of the table lamp. The darkness engulfed me and shied into him, breathing in his scent. I let him hold me for quite a while as I drifted in and out of sleep.

Morning broke to the sounds of Ke$ha on the radio. I rolled over and hit the snooze, wiping the restless night from my eyes, erasing the nightmare from my face. A light rap on the door wakened me farther,

"Come in," I yawned, stretching my hands above my head. My mother entered a confused and worried look on her face.

"What happened yesterday? I got a call from the school saying you skipped school…Katie, that's not like you. What is going on?" I sighed and pulled myself into a sitting position,

"I'm really, really sorry mom. I know it was very irresponsible of me, and I promise it will not happen again." I started to get out of bed, heading towards my dresser. I pulled out a white tank top with a long sleeve button up and jean shorts. I felt my moms gaze follows me across the room, watching me. I self-consciously pulled the sleeves of my nightshirt farther down my wrists. I turned to face her raised eyebrows with a shrug of my own,

"So that's it?" she asked, "No explanation, no reason behind your sudden impulse to be reckless?" I sighed again, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice. I hated arguing with my mother; in fact we hardly ever had reason to. I hated keeping secrets from her, but somehow I knew the truth would hurt her more than my vagueness… she wouldn't be able to handle the scars, physically and emotionally…I couldn't risk putting that wall between us, even though I knew one was already in the making,

"I don't have an explanation worthy of telling. I just didn't feel like being stuck in classrooms all day, I got a little stir crazy you could say. I realize how stupid that was, and I'm really sorry, and I mean it when I say I will not do it again." She nodded slowly; I put a smile on my face,

"I'm going to be late for school if I don't get a move on." She walked over to me and kissed me on the forehead, then left, closing the door behind her. I started to dress, pulling on the lightweight button up, only buttoning the middle button. The white tank was visible, and I decided to pull my red-brown hair back into a loose braid. I checked my appearance in the mirror and grabbed my messenger bag, dashing down the stairs. I grabbed my keys then set them back down. I walked to the door and peeped out, sure enough there he stood next to his car. I opened the door fully and called out a goodbye to my mother. Then the realization hit – school meant Jordan…. Ouch. I stopped walking and cocked my head towards Desmond. Another thought trickled through my brain,

'Who cares? You have Desmond…he's yours.' I started walking towards him again. He was mine; he wouldn't let anything happen to me. Besides, with him I was, well not perfect…but was that a bad thing? I was breaking, falling but for the first time I felt whole. I felt like me. I stopped at his car and looked into his ice blue eyes. I leaned in closer to him and kissed him,

"Thank you," I breathed, he looked down at me, noticing the change. He was right, I had needed him. But it went farther then need it was now want.

"For what?" he asked between fervent kisses. I moved his hands up the sleeved of my shirt, tracing them over the scars.

"This." I whispered. He stopped kissing me, but kept the closeness,

"We are going to be late." I took a step back, trying to clear the heat. He helped me into his car, then drove off. All too soon the red brick of school appeared in the horizon. He parked and I got out, reaching for his hand. He held it firmly, leading us into the main entrance. I shrunk into him as I felt the stares, glaring at me from all around. He released his hand from mine and draped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer. He sent chilling glares at anyone whom looked our way. He was frightening; the darkness he seemed too comfortable with was oozing off of him. I small shudder went down my spine – he was mine.

We stopped at his locker to retrieve his books, then headed towards mine. One of the flyers was taped to my locker. I calmly took it and ripped it up, letting it fall like confetti as I opened my locker door. A quiet musical ringing caused my hand to rush to my pocket, pulling out my phone. I looked at my screen and saw that I hadn't gotten a text…I looked at Desmond and asked,

"Was it your phone?" he ignored me once again, his eyes glued to the screen of his phone. I waited a few moments, letting him read. My impatience got the better of me and I waved my hand in front of his face,

"Earth to Desmond…any one there?" he looked up from the screen, his eyes locked to mine,

"I have to go. I'll…" he stopped talking and looked past me, staring at nothing. He shook his head and leaned in, pecking me on the cheek.

"I have to go. If you give me your car keys and I can make sure your car gets here, so you will have a ride home." I nodded, and pulled my keys out of my pocket, not really understanding why he was ditching…again.

"Umm, where exactly are you going?" he didn't seem to hear me as he walked back down the hallway to the doors leading outside. A feeling of unease fluttered in the back of my head as I thought about a day without him. Then a cold lump formed in the pit of my stomach, blocking out the pity I felt for myself; something was seriously wrong, and it killed me not knowing what.

He had been true to his word- my car was parked out in the front parking lot, the keys underneath the mat. I threw my bag into the passenger seat and looked out at the scene around me. Innocent high school students were wandering around the parking lot, some going to various sport practices, others to club meetings. I sighed and got into my car, adjusting the mirrors and seat. My phone went off, an alert to a text message. I opened the text and read, my eyes scanning the small screen. I read, and re-read that message, trying to make it make sense, make it have meaning. I closed my phone and threw it onto the passenger seat, letting it fall to the floor. I put my head on the steering wheel and let tears fall for someone I hadn't even known existed, someone I had never even realized I was so intertwined with…someone that pulled Desmond out of school because of her death.

Desmond:

Red, that's how I saw the world. Pain, that's how I felt the world, the way it should be. I don't feel whole without a blade in my hand, the scars on my arm are apart of me – the scar that is just now forming is for her. The world looks red to me, I don't see a reason to live anymore. I don't have a good or strong enough reason to breathe anymore.

I closed my phone after sending Katie the message, wiping off the little crimson dots speckled across the black case. I had never told her about my family, I hadn't a reason to. She couldn't know how close I was to Lizzie; she wouldn't understand what her death meant to me. I sighed and looked around the tree house I sat in. Katie hadn't been in this room yet, I almost wish she had been though. Pictures of Lizzie hung from the wall, some in black, some in red, she was so beautiful…. I felt the urge to kill the one who did it, the one who took her away. I fought the urge to hunt him, kill him. I knew it would be nearly impossible to find him; New York is a big city, and he could have – would have left by now.

I hadn't liked the idea of Lizzie going to NY by herself, traveling alone. She had been excepted into dance school there, a huge honor that we were all proud of. The police say it was a suicide, but I knew better. Lizzie loved life, she was the only one that could make me smile…she understood me, but her love for life kept her strong enough for the both of us. I loved her, and I protected her…she would not take away her own life. I knew it was a man, some sick and messed up freak that enjoyed the fear in her blue eyes, that wanted someone to suffer for his screwed over life. The police found her lying in a pool of her own blood, the gun lying next to her, suicide for sure…

The sun was setting, turning the world red, the rightful color it should be. I see the world in degrees of pain, I see her face, the background etched with hate. The warm blood dripping down my arm is the only thing that keeps me sane…or perhaps insane…does it matter either way?

Katie

I rushed through the traffic without any regard for my safety, or the pedestrians I honked at. I needed to get to him, to be with him. I stepped farther down on the gas pedal, my engine purring. I knew where I could find him, and I knew what I would find him doing. I stopped at the edge of the woods, parking along side the road, locking my car. I ran through the trees, ignoring the scratches from thorns. The sun was nearly touching the horizon, his favorite time of day. I ran faster, hoping he wouldn't bleed to death, hoping he still had enough common sense to realize that someone still needed him, hoping that he hadn't completely lost control. I climbed the ladder up to the series of houses in the trees. I scanned the first room and saw no one, my heart was thundering as I ran across to the next room. No one. I came to a room I had never been in before, one I had never noticed, or been exposed to. I slid in through the window, searching the room with my eyes. I wasn't prepared for what met my eyes. Pictures similar to the ones of me where nailed to the wall, they all held the same subject; a girl of no more than 16, her hair choppy and fun, her eyes searching and full of life. I was taken aback by the detail and obvious attention to personality Desmond had used to depict this girl. I looked closer and saw a name written in the corner, Lizzie. I sucked in my breath and closed my eyes…it was her. I opened my eyes, searching the room for Desmond. I found him sitting in a corner, eyes closed, head resting on the wall behind him. I walked over slowly and sat next to him. I looked at his face, saw no expression. I let my eyes trail down to his arms, dripping with blood. I gently took the sharpened piece of flint from his hand, entwining my fingers with his. I took my sweatshirt and tried to stop the flow of blood at least a little bit. I turned my head back to his face and saw he had opened his eyes. I didnt say anything, what was there to say? i swallowed and returned my gaze to his arms. i peeled away the damp sweatshirt assessing the damage. he hadnt cut deep, but i hadnt expected him to. i had never seen so many cuts made in succesion, all at once. I looked up at him again, leaning my back up against the wall. i rested my head against his shoulder and we sat their in silence. A breeze rustled the leaves outside the window allowing the cool evening air to tease our faces with its scents. i closed my eyes and breathed deeply squelching the questions i knew i would end up asking him. I felt him move beside me and i looked up at him. his eyes were scanning the wall full of her pictures. he took the nearest one down and handed it to me, his thumb brushing the image,

"katie, this is my sister, Lizzie. they say she commited suicide- i know she was murdered. He is going to die."

end chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

Katie

I still had not processed what had happened. It had been two days and through some lucky miracle I had gotten Desmond to stay put. O knew he was itching to go – I could see he was restless. I knew he what he wanted to do and I tried not to think of it. I could not deal with a murderer, and yet I knew I would go with him, and I knew I could not stop him, but I how I would try! My jean pocket vibrated and I flipped open my phone reading the small words on the blue screen, 'meet me there.' I sighed and grabbed my shoes, there was only one place 'there' could be. I wrote a note explaining that I was going for a walk and left it on the desk for my mom. I grabbed my bag and headed towards the park.

Desmond

I waited impatiently for her to get here. My fingers itched for cool metal between them. I hadn't bled for two days…

Katie

I climbed up the ladder with a feeling of premonition. I had a gut feeling that I would be packing a bag soon and heading off to New York, for better or for worse, in sickness or health of mind, I knew I would this fight. I meekly climbed into the first 'room' and self-consciously tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. He came inches away from my face, tipping my chin up so I looked up into smoldering gray eyes.

"If you love me…" he moved closer and my heart skyrocketed out of my chest, "you'll come with me to New York, and you'll let us leave now." He leaned in and attempted to kiss me. I stuttered and pushed him away,

"Stop! You – I- we need to think this through. I can't stop you from going, and I have no intention of setting you loose in NYC alone. But I don't want you to become a murderer –" he put a hand over my mouth and I tried to speak around it.

"Shh. Just come with me to New York. I have a plan, just don't make me do this alone." I took his hand away from my mouth and laced my fingers through his, sighing,

"Okay, when do we leave?"

"As soon as your ready and packed."

"What about my mother? I can't just leave her with no explanation and head off to New York by myself – no worse- with a boy!"

"I know, and you won't have to. Katie, its time I met your mother."

He stalked out of the tree house leaving me speechless, confused, and a little scared.

Katie

"I still don't think we – are you sure – what –"

"Would you finish your thoughts please?" I looked at him, blinking.

"I just don't understand what meeting my mother has to do with going to new York and you becoming a…a…" I couldn't say it out loud.

"There you go not finishing your sentences again." I looked exasperatedly at him and stalked past him, not looking back and crossing my arms. He looked at me slyly as I walked past mocking my frustration. He walked in a bemused silence behind me until we reached my house. Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me around to face him.

"At least act like you like me when I meet your mother." He planted a kiss on my forehead and I rolled my eyes,

"Your lucky I took a class in stage acting." I mumbled back. He laughed and leaned down,

"It shouldn't be that hard…" I moved away. Annoyed at his attempts to get what he wanted.

"Come on," I said pulling him towards the door, "Let's get this over with."

My mother was in the office clicking away on her new Dell laptop. I knocked on the wall to signal my presence.

"Hi Hun, how was your walk?"

"It was good, it's a really nice day out. Umm, mom? I have someone I want you to meet. Uh, he's in the living room, would you mind taking a minute break to meet him?" I finished my sentence by biting my lip and looking at her form watching the computer screen. She turned and stopped typing, lowering her glasses to the tip of her nose.

"How 'special' is this 'he' we are talking about?" I walked over to her and sat on the arm of her chair,

"Well. He. Well…" I brushed the hair out of my face and took a deep breath,

"He's my boyfriend, and I don't know what id do without him. I know it sounds horribly cliché for a teenager to say something like that, and I never though I would, but…I don't know, its just…him. Well, I think I love him." I slumped down again and waited for mom's laughter. She nodded for a moment and then slowly removed her glasses completely.

"Well, you're a careful girl, and I trust you. I know you will be careful and you wont go fast, and to be honest I'm curious to meet this young man who ahs turned my daughter into a normal, love crazed teenager. Now up you get before you break the arm of my new office chair, lets go meet this boy." I got up from the chair and took her outstretched hand, leading her to the living room were Desmond stood waiting. I squeezed my mom's hand and went to stand by Desmond.

"Mom, this is Desmond. Desmond, this is my mother, Mrs. Brown." Desmond, the unexpected picture of politeness, put out his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you Mrs. Brown."

"Its nice to meet you too, Desmond." She replied warmly. My nerves racked my chest. I had no idea how this warming introduction was going to get me to new York – and in the back of my mind I knew I needed a plan to prevent Desmond from turning into a murderer and surprisingly enough, I didn't understand how this touching scene got me any closer to either of these goals. While I continued to muse over the pointlessness of this scene I heard their wandering conversation of Desmond and my mother. He was talking to her about his future goals after graduating. I tired to pay closer attention. We had never talked about the future, college and all those plans seemed daunting. He was in the middle of telling my mom that he wanted to go to New York and visit a few art studios that had asked to see his work. Conveniently my mom mentioned that I had just gotten excepted into NYU, and I finally clued in to Desmond's plan.

"So we were thinking that we could take a trip to NYC together." mom looked as if she had expected this and was already thinking through the pros and cons.

"Well, I'm not so sure I'm okay with you going off to new York city with your boyfriend alone…" my face flushed and Desmond chuckled,

"Of course not Mrs. Brown, but I want you to know, I would never take advantage of your daughter that way, and that we had planned on getting separate rooms. I was even wondering if you would mind being our chaperone." I looked at him incredulously…my mom, our chaperone? My mom on the other hand looked at him in a new light and smiled wider,

"When do we leave?"

"Well tomorrow is a half day and I know how stressed Katie gets when she misses school so I thought we could leave after school tomorrow and stay for the long weekend since we don't have school on Monday. So leaving tomorrow would be ideal." My moms smile grew again,

"Tomorrow it is then, ill make arrangements at work. Now how did you plan on getting there?"

"I-" Desmond cut me off.

"Well if its alright with you, since Katie and I have a half day of school tomorrow, I was thinking I would drive us up and we could meet you at the whatever hotel we end up staying at." Mom seemed to think it through again,

"Alright, but if I may recommend taking the train – driving and parking could be a nightmare. But whatever you decide." Damien smiled and nodded his head, taking my hand,

"Alright then. I guess ill se you tomorrow. Now if you don't mind, I would like to take Katie out for some ice-cream, it was a pleasure meeting you Mrs. Brown, and I'm excited for this weekend."

"Well me too," my mom beamed, and then as if remembering I was still in the room added,

"Be home by 10:30." I nodded and kissed her on the cheek.

"Kay mom, cya later."

And with a glance at my new polite and satisfied boyfriend, we left for ice cream.


End file.
